Monday, September 29, 2008

i don't know if i'm coping

or not
it is just
so much lethargy
can't be bothered to get help
can't be bothered to take medication


so much to be doing
i'm not going to let this ruin my life, not now

but it's like living 2 lives
the life of the day, the anonymity of being someone who can study hard in a library

the life of the night, in home, when i should be studying, but instead am sleeping for 15 hours, or crying or listening to sad music to make myself cry, surfing the internet mindlessly, watching half of 90210, not getting any pleasure from such distractions

i need to start studying the nights away too so at least i have the satisfaction of hard work and meeting my goals

my mouth tastes yucky like toothpaste

i've had a very unproductive last few days, been in bed, or staring into space like a zombie, wasting a lot of time on public transport

i am worried that the taste at the back of my mouth is the taste of the steak i half ate that i tried to cook but one bit flipped over and wasn't cooked and i bit and spit out a raw hunk

yuck yuck yuck


Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

I know how you feel about the duality of life. It is very difficult. :-(

If you don't mind me asking, and you can tell me to "piss off", why do you think you did so poorly on your debate?

Hips Magee said...

Have been trying to think of something to write in reference to your post but everything comes out cringe worthy and smacks of, i don't know, general stupidity - kind of like when someone says "Smile it's not that bad" and its so annoying that you just want to kick them in the shins very hard. If it helps I have and still do experience the lethargy, the crying jags. So take comfort tonight that someone else is also staring up at the ceiling. Take care.

Aurora said...

well basically the debate we lost, it was because the other side said our "model" or basically what we were arguing for, just wouldn't happen. our 3rd speaker replied to it, but they said it was too late, as 2nd speaker ideally i should have had a reply
and i did, i had it on a palmcard while they were saying it that i wrote down, but its just i think my confidence in debating is shot, and i remembered our coach told us not to rebut what they rebut, so even though my instinct told me to say what i had, which could have won us the debate, i didn't