Saturday, August 30, 2008

Privacy Laws

I feel very violated. The psychologists that I made a booking with called my home number, which I had never given them, so that my home would not be callen. I only gave my mobile number, so they must have contacted the medical centre/ general practitioner that referred me. They spoke to someone who was not me, and not only told them the nature of my appointment, being with psychologists, but also disclosed what I was seeking treatment for, namely depression.

I was so angry, sad, humiliated, shocked, because the person who answered my home phone was unaware due to my important decision not to disclose my medical information haphazardly. A decision that was voided in a matter of seconds by an irresponsible, unethical, not to mention illegal, clinic of psychologists.

So now I don't know what to do. I've been getting really poor marks back from my recent really big trial exams at school so I'm basically on the edge all the time, feeling near breaking point. And now I have to search around for another clinic of psychologists, get another referral, because I really don't want anything to do with such an unprofessional group.

And I have to deal with the fallout from the person who answered the phone.

Life is very difficult right now.

Monday, August 25, 2008

mood swings up and down like a rollercoaster for lack of a better description

I was originally going to do a whole gosh im a failure and life sucks post but then I went off and drew a picture.

I think that art is really good therapy.
I started yesterday, I sketched the daffodils in a vase on our kitchen table
then today i just did two sort of abstract pictures, just fun and I feel quite good now.

I feel bad though for not posting because I was going to take this whole blog thing seriously because I really like reading depression and bipolar blogs (sound like a masochist much?) honestly, I do. Especially when they are funny, like I love the Trouble With Spikol and Liz Spikol's videos, which if you haven't read or seen you must do so at:

So this was going to be a great teen depression blog because I haven't read any of those and apparently lots of teenagers are depressed. Which leads me to thinking about teen angst. I find it extremely irritating when teenagers who have depression or strong emotions are labelled as "angst-ridden," but if you're middle aged and balding those emotions become understandable and worth sympathy. The stereotype of a suicidal, wrist-slitting, drug-taking teenager, I must admit, has become a completely annoying cliche though. I do understand that it is easier for adults to just dismiss it as a phase, or a form of attention seeking. But I do get annoyed that nobody really takes what I'm going through seriously. I know I can't expect other people to understand how draining and life-consuming depression is, and that it is actually a mental illness, not just a bad mood that comes and goes.

I think depression just doesn't sound very serious in terms of its name. Even Bipolar sounds much more sinister. I feel rather stupid telling people I have "depression." Of course I haven't told many people, I've had to tell basically two teachers at school in terms of getting illness and misadventure for my exams so that my marks can be adjusted. Which I am extremely stressed about, because I don't think they will push my marks up high enough where they deserve to be. I really screwed up chemistry and part of maths because I was feeling really crap in the days before those exams, whereas in previous exam weeks I've been doing really well, getting full marks or high marks. So I am so worried. And also, about the teachers at school, I am bloody stressed that they've been telling all the other teachers.

I don't know how paranoid I am being, but today a deputy principal who hasn't talked to me for like a year asked me how I was. And I don't know if it was just because we walked past each other, or it was a loaded question she felt she had to ask because she KNOWS. I think I will ask one of the teachers tomorrow about my marks, and also about who knows.

Because, oh my gosh, the most annoying thing, is that I think the freaking principal knows. And she is an utter troll. Peeves the bejeezus out of me. She keeps asking me "are you ok?" in front of my peers. And I know it is a loaded question. AND I AM NOT BEING PARANOID. She doesn't ask anyone else this.

Ugh. School was once like an escape, and now it is giving me so much stress.