Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The house is a mess,

as is my life. Two weeks worth of dishes in the sink. Mould growing in the kitchen. I just ignore it, can't deal with it yet. Tonight I am taking my pills dissolved in water from a soy sauce mini dish thing because there are no more cups or glasses left.

On a side note, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY REPLACED LIBBY KENNEDY (KYM VALENTINE) ON NEIGHBOURS WITH MICHALA BANAS FROM MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS, it is so incredibly unsubtle and weird to hear people calling her Libby. Apparently it's only for a month or so while Valentine recovers from pneumonia, but honestly, they should have just written her out of the script for that month....


Watching House M.D. now, and during the ad breaks reading articles about Hugh Laurie's "mild clinical depression"

"The production team in Los Angeles are acutely aware they are dealing with a brooding genius with a highly developed penchant for misanthropy. Katie Jacobs, the executive producer of House, told an interviewer last month: “Every day at about four or five o’clock, Hugh’s sitting on the kerb completely despondent. He’s miserable no matter what he does. Never thinks he’s good enough, never thinks he’s got it right.”

The actor, who turned 46 yesterday, is aware that his self-criticism is extreme, but he cannot restrain it. “It’s true of all of my life,” he said recently. “I wish I could silence that part of my brain. Or remove it.”

His discontent is increased by the distance between Los Angeles, which resembles “a giant petrol station” to his eye, and his family in London: Jo Green, his wife of 16 years, and their children, Charlie, Bill and Rebecca. He worked out that even if they all went to America to stay with him, they would only see him for an hour or so a week, so merciless is his shooting schedule. "

How lonely he must be!

"He recognised his pessimism as clinical depression in 1996 and sought help from a psychotherapist. “I was in the middle of a stockcar race for charity, with cars exploding and turning over when it suddenly hit me: I was bored. I thought this can’t be right. I diagnosed myself and decided I would try to sort it out.”

I get that feeling too. The impossibility of being entirely absorbed or thrilled by the moment, always feeling depressed or the feeling that I can't decide if it is better or worse - numbness.

Hugh Laurie says he won't take pills. But I will. I am going to take mine now.
I need to call the psychology clinic. But I can't right now and no one can help me or will, even if they say they do, they just don't. I need to remember words are just words. They are empty. I need to stop trusting people.

"I'm amazed at you, the things you say that you don't do..."

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