days

good things: got fierce summer strappy leather platform ish wooden base heels that i've been needing

got fierce studded tan belt

bad things: done jack all today
feel shitty
exams in nearly one week
freaking screwed
feel depressed
such a freaking inopportune time
just want it to be over and then don't because it's scary
faaaarrrrk
so much to do

i will do good tomorrow

depressing song of the day: My Lullaby by Maria Mena
for when you don't want a depressing song with a happy twist where a man saves you or something
you just want a depressing song that's depressing



something i can relate to, being a divorced child really young, feeling angry/sad at the past and present i have where my parents, namely my mother, still uses me as a pawn in the shitty divorce game

i don't ever want to be divorced

but sometimes i get scared i'll never have anyone and i'll grow to be thirty and alone and i can't stand that my dreams even today are just that someone loves me...


Maria Mena - My Lullaby lyrics

mom please tell me what to do
im so disappointed in you,
you said those words that made me cry
and you always wondered why
why i sing my lullaby

mom please hurry home to me
i waited up so patiently
you sit down and you start to cry
but you never ask me why
why i sing my lullaby

why i sing my lullaby

was it my fault they lead you in the wrong direction?
was it my fault they didnt show you any affection?
i show you when i start to cry
still you always wonder why
why i sing my lullaby

mom why love me if you're cold
you just get bitter then grow old
ask me when i start to weep
then i'll tell you in my sleep
why i sing my lullaby

*** I watched a live performance on youtube and she sung "he" in place of "they" as in

was it my fault he led you in the wrong direction?
was it my fault he didn't show you any affection?

i like it better that way
more divorce angst i guess lol
i am such a nooboid