It's all pretend

inside I am nothing. Or maybe it's not. Maybe the smiles and laughs are real at the time. I'm just left with the alone, the sunburn, the tears, the emptiness inside. My chest aches. This is really really hard and I don't know what I'm meant to do since I'm going away tomorrow for a month without friends and just an hour ago I was looking forward to it.. but now I don't know. I know that it's always so hard and I'm sick of it. I want to go home. I want to feel not alone. I want a rock of a person to care and make it all go away and love.