Depressing Music Playlist

There are times when I feel inexplicably, suddenly, horribly down. And all I want to do is listen to depressing music, words that express how I feel. I can't stand happy songs at these times, or love songs.

So these are the top eight because I can't think of ten right now saddest songs I've got in no order because I don't think I could rate sad songs in sadness, that would just be way too depressing for me right now (ha ha Annie Lennox pun, do you get it? no? okay I am lame.)

1. Breathe Me by Sia
2. The Saddest Song I've Got by Annie Lennox
3. Save Me by Aimee Mann
4. November by Azure Ray
5. No Surprises by Radiohead
6. Worn Me Down by Rachael Yamagata
7. My Skin by Natalie Merchant
8. Just Hold Me by Maria Mena




I really need more songs, please reply with your choices in depressing music that keeps you going through the shitty lows of life!

Is Angelina Jolie Depressed?

A few different sources are reporting that Ange is suffering from PND after giving birth to her twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. I don't know how true these claims are, as every article relies on that tattle-taling, unnamed "insider."

According to UK's Now Magazine:

Angelina Jolie is apparently tired and emotional following the birth of her twins.

The actress and partner Brad Pitt, 44, had Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon on 13 July.

But insiders claim the mum-of-six has rarely left her French home since they were born.

‘She has been trying to control her emotions but her mood swings have been hard on the entire family,' a source tells In Touch.

'She has been staying in bed most of the time - all she does is sleep.

'She cries at the drop of a hat and laughs at inappropriate times.'

Friends of Ange, 33, are said to think she may be suffering from post-natal depression.

‘Everyone around her is hoping that she will talk to someone about how she is feeling,’ the source adds.

Angelina is also mum to adopted kids Maddox, 7, Pax, 4, and Zahara, 3, and daughter Shiloh, 2.

The Melbourne Herald Sun, The UK Sun and India's SIFY are also reporting this, but at the moment I do question how true it is because the big guns like People, OK, and WHO haven't jumped on board. I do hope she is doing well, it must be pretty hard work looking after six kids now! Perhaps it is weird considering the fact that I don't know her, but I think that weird thing where we tend to feel very close to celebrities we don't know at all, applies here. She is just such an effortlessly beautiful human being, and does lots of great charity work too. I really hope she is alright, especially considering her history of depression, not to mention all the weird blood rituals she did with Billy Bob Thornton.

health24.com is reporting that they are getting therapy.....hmmm...

"Friends close to Brad say Angelina is battling to bond with the twins and has asked Brad to take over the reins. “Ange is suffering from post-partum depression and is not coping right now. She’s just really down. Her spirits are really low,” reveals a source.

Coupled with all that responsibility and taking care of the other children, things between Brad and Ange are not going as well as planned. “Brad is happy that his folks paid a visit to France to help out, but he still wants to go back to LA where his friends and family are,” says a friend. Which is completely understandable. There he will get the help and support he needs to be a good father to six children.

Family dynamics shaken
Those close to the couple say the twins have also had a massive effect on the family dynamics. “Little Shiloh isn’t the baby anymore. She has been throwing tantrums and screaming for no reason.” And poor Maddox! All of a sudden he has to play big brother to five siblings, who don’t even speak the same language!

But Ange is refusing to budge and wont move back to the US just yet. Instead she has insisted they try therapy sessions before making a final decision.

“They phone the same psychotherapist they used when they were staying in New York. They just need some help. Everything is so overwhelming and they seem to be battling with the basics,” says a family member."
Well if it turns out to be true, I hope Ange gets all the help she needs!

R.I.P. Mark Priestley

From his recently updated Wikipedia page


Mark Priestley (9 August 1976 – 27 August 2008) was an Australian actor. Born in Perth, Western Australia, he graduated from the National Institute of Dramatic Art (NIDA) with a degree in Performing Arts (acting) in 1999. His first big TV break was when he appeared in The Farm in 2000 and met director Kate Woods. She gave him a role in her mini-series Changi in 2001.

Priestley played a semi-regular role in The Secret Life of Us and appeared in Blue Heelers before his first on-air appearance in All Saints in July 2004. Priestley was a long-time friend of Wil Traval, his co-star on All Saints. The two were known to get up to countless pranks on set.

Priestley also had some notable theatre credits. He worked with the Bell Shakespeare Company, playing Silvio in The Servant of Two Masters, as well as with The Sydney Theatre Company in Major Barbara, both in 2003.

On the afternoon of 27 August 2008 Priestley checked into the Swissotel in Market Street, Sydney, under the name 'Damien Barker'. He was found dead on an awning of the Myer store at Pitt Street, on the corner of Market Street, at 2pm. Police sources said the 32-year-old jumped from the Swissotel and was killed instantly. There are unconfirmed reports he plunged from a 22nd-floor room. The actor was believed to have been suffering from depression.

A statement issued by the Seven Network said that Priestley was a "tremendous young person" who was loved and respected by the cast and crew of All Saints. Seven’s Director of Programming and Production, Tim Worner, wrote in the statement: "Mark was such a brilliant artist ... his work on stage and screen was admired by everybody who knew him."

How thoroughly sad. And it always makes me feel connected, like with Charmaine Dragun's suicide, when they reveal they have depression, like I know what he was going through, even though I'm sure I don't really. Just the sheer loneliness, having nobody to talk to, life being too painful and unbearable. I can imagine the split decision, jumping before you lose your nerve. I do hope he is at peace now. Maybe that is a stupid thing to say. I don't know anything about death, I don't think I believe in heaven, so maybe there is no peace for someone who kills themselves. But I do mourn him.

The paradox of getting help

I am a massive procrastinator. Being depressed makes me procrastinate even more, sometimes out of laziness, sometimes out of tiredness, and sometimes out of sheer necessity. As in I just can't do ANYTHING. Sheer necessity reminds me of the BARE NECESSITIES, THE BEAR NECESSITIES, DOO DOO DOO, (from The Jungle Book!)Anyway, its just that the worse I am, the more that I need help, the more I feel incapable of getting out of bed and actively seeking it. I haven't been taking my happy pills either. I feel like I've been living in a daze, in oblivion, which is a god damned stupid thing to be doing when I have the HSC - as in the exams my life and university and scholarships depends on IN LESS THAN 6 WEEKS! AAAH!

So basically I have left it DISGUSTINGLY LONG without seeking help. As in a psychologist. In a previous post I explained how the first psychologists I contacted went down the drain, and now I guess I go to the freaking GP again and get a different referral, or I call the psychologists clinic, tell them off, and ask for another appointment with the stipulation that they only ring my mobile number, and don't disclose any more medical information to anyone but me!

Family problems

She wouldn't drive me to school.

I hate having this life. It is too hard and I can't deal with it. Every minute is painful.

I don't know if I can say it without sounding pretentious, but I hate being abused by my mother, because that is what I think it is. And coupled with my mental illness, it is just too much.

Privacy Laws

I feel very violated. The psychologists that I made a booking with called my home number, which I had never given them, so that my home would not be callen. I only gave my mobile number, so they must have contacted the medical centre/ general practitioner that referred me. They spoke to someone who was not me, and not only told them the nature of my appointment, being with psychologists, but also disclosed what I was seeking treatment for, namely depression.

I was so angry, sad, humiliated, shocked, because the person who answered my home phone was unaware due to my important decision not to disclose my medical information haphazardly. A decision that was voided in a matter of seconds by an irresponsible, unethical, not to mention illegal, clinic of psychologists.

So now I don't know what to do. I've been getting really poor marks back from my recent really big trial exams at school so I'm basically on the edge all the time, feeling near breaking point. And now I have to search around for another clinic of psychologists, get another referral, because I really don't want anything to do with such an unprofessional group.

And I have to deal with the fallout from the person who answered the phone.

Life is very difficult right now.

mood swings up and down like a rollercoaster for lack of a better description

I was originally going to do a whole gosh im a failure and life sucks post but then I went off and drew a picture.

I think that art is really good therapy.
I started yesterday, I sketched the daffodils in a vase on our kitchen table
then today i just did two sort of abstract pictures, just fun and I feel quite good now.

I feel bad though for not posting because I was going to take this whole blog thing seriously because I really like reading depression and bipolar blogs (sound like a masochist much?) honestly, I do. Especially when they are funny, like I love the Trouble With Spikol and Liz Spikol's videos, which if you haven't read or seen you must do so at: http://trouble.philadelphiaweekly.com/

So this was going to be a great teen depression blog because I haven't read any of those and apparently lots of teenagers are depressed. Which leads me to thinking about teen angst. I find it extremely irritating when teenagers who have depression or strong emotions are labelled as "angst-ridden," but if you're middle aged and balding those emotions become understandable and worth sympathy. The stereotype of a suicidal, wrist-slitting, drug-taking teenager, I must admit, has become a completely annoying cliche though. I do understand that it is easier for adults to just dismiss it as a phase, or a form of attention seeking. But I do get annoyed that nobody really takes what I'm going through seriously. I know I can't expect other people to understand how draining and life-consuming depression is, and that it is actually a mental illness, not just a bad mood that comes and goes.

I think depression just doesn't sound very serious in terms of its name. Even Bipolar sounds much more sinister. I feel rather stupid telling people I have "depression." Of course I haven't told many people, I've had to tell basically two teachers at school in terms of getting illness and misadventure for my exams so that my marks can be adjusted. Which I am extremely stressed about, because I don't think they will push my marks up high enough where they deserve to be. I really screwed up chemistry and part of maths because I was feeling really crap in the days before those exams, whereas in previous exam weeks I've been doing really well, getting full marks or high marks. So I am so worried. And also, about the teachers at school, I am bloody stressed that they've been telling all the other teachers.

I don't know how paranoid I am being, but today a deputy principal who hasn't talked to me for like a year asked me how I was. And I don't know if it was just because we walked past each other, or it was a loaded question she felt she had to ask because she KNOWS. I think I will ask one of the teachers tomorrow about my marks, and also about who knows.

Because, oh my gosh, the most annoying thing, is that I think the freaking principal knows. And she is an utter troll. Peeves the bejeezus out of me. She keeps asking me "are you ok?" in front of my peers. And I know it is a loaded question. AND I AM NOT BEING PARANOID. She doesn't ask anyone else this.

Ugh. School was once like an escape, and now it is giving me so much stress.